The Beginnings

The Bible boggles me, especially the Old part. I'm currently making my way through Genesis -- and sometimes shamelessly skipping the genealogies. I understand that it's fundamentally different from the New part 'cause of Jesus Christ and all, but some of it prompts me to pause, find a blank corner in my room, ponder about what I just read, and ponder some more to make sure I interpreted it correctly.

For one, there sure is a plentiful amount of questionable activities going around. People laying with maids, and the wives actually suggesting it. Cousins marrying one another. Slaying of entire cities. Women turning into mounds of NaCl. Ya know, the everyday kinda happenings.

My explanation and justification for all these things is... He's got a purpose. I could spend my time questioning it, or I could simply accept it and use my lack of understanding as a basis for strengthening my faith. I'm positive that every (seemingly) ludicrous act that has happened, and will happen, may be crazy in our eyes but perfect and necessary in His.

Blindly believing in the means to an end may seem inhumane, and doing so may turn others away from Christ, but it's an upside-down kingdom. It's true we're merely specks of dust on an enormous IMAX God-screen, but we're still looked after with unimaginable love and attention. Maybe one reason why His purpose isn't always revealed to us is because we wouldn't even begin to understand the final cut. It's better if we leave the micro-management up to the Director. The greatest of our duties is to love. I think I'm gonna just focus on that.

Living the Double Life (No More)

"...we are uneasy most of the time. We go about our common tasks with a feeling of deep frustration, telling ourselves pensively that there's a better day coming when we shall slough off this earthly shell and be bothered no more with the affairs of this world."

-A. W. Tozer

Here lies the Christian dilemma. My dilemma. There are numerous problems with the Church, above and beyond what I'm going to share with you here, but this is the issue that relates to me the strongest. From my own experience, which may be limited at best, I find that in religious circles and communities, there seems to be a bold divide between fellowship and acts of love. By "fellowship" I'm referring to small groups, large groups, cell groups, bible studies, worship sessions, Sunday services, youth services, and all the like. And by "acts of love" I'm referring to anything along the lines of "...and whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me" (Matthew 25:40).

The dandy theoretical knowledge we study so earnestly in fellowship does not appear to translate into acts of love. It seems that the more "religious" we become, the more set apart we are from the world "out there". Suddenly we forget and neglect that Jesus would gladly have dinner with "those people" rather than his disciples. How did he do it? How was he able to connect with them, preserve his holiness and ultimately change their lives forever?

For Jesus, the Christian dilemma never existed in his thinking. In a sense, there was no separation of "I am perfect" and "you are ungodly". I think for Jesus, he genuinely wanted to bond with "the least of these" and "those people". Sure, if in the end they came to believe that he was savior, then all was well. But even beyond that, he yearned to become true friends with strangers in the humbleness of love. (To clarify -- and thanks to Vankim -- what I mean is, I believe the motivation behind Jesus's efforts was the love he had for his people. Certainly, his ultimate desire was for us to believe in his truth).

Jason as a carpenter:

"I have so many orders to fill. Gotta finish this chair and a dining table for the rich douchebag down the road by the end of the week. One day, I won't have to worry about any of this. One day, I'll be able to focus on doing God's work, something that actually affects the people around me."

Jesus as a carpenter:

"I do all things in my Father's name."

Before we can "go out into the world" and make a difference, we must discard the idea of two separate lives that we live: the secular world and the Godly one. Certainly there are secular aspects in life, but ALL things come from God. In order to live life to the fullest as God intended for us, we have to perform activities in a uniform state of mind. Otherwise, each day will continue to be filled with thoughts of future spiritual aspirations and freedoms that will never come.

To have a life filled with God's love and purpose is to begin seeing Him in every thing that we do. After all, He lives in us doesn't He?

"We're supposed to make each other feel safe, otherwise what's the point?"

-Winnie Gekko from the film Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

There are no buzz words for "love" or "relationship" in that statement, no covert metaphors or analogies. Heck, it's even rhetorical. But immediately after hearing this quote in theatres, I knew I had to write it down. And against all pre-movie rules, I pulled out my phone and clicked-away the simple twelve words and hit "save". I kept this sentence because "safe" entails much more than security or comfort.

Double-bolt locks help me perceive safety. A red brick house helps me perceive safety. But people? People naturally invite harm, risk, and liabilities. When we meet those we can trust, and usually it's only a certain few, that's when we label them as friends. But trust on the friendship level is brittle at best. Feeling safe with someone is continuous, it's assumed. Unlike locks and bricks which give you a sense of safety, in our minds, this person is safety. There are no "perceptions of" or "sense of" -- this type of safety simply exists independent of all else.

Feeling safe with someone does not oust the possibility of physical separation, because that would be impossible. Safety lives in the possible world, where anything can happen despite how much we pull the other way. Safety, then, is knowing that above all chaos and uncertainty, you know that the other person will unfailingly encourage you to be truthful in who you are, and appreciate all that they see.

I think that's my definition of a human love relationship (different than love), romantic and platonic. And spiritual love... that's a whole 'nother quote. Goodnight.

Whoops...

Pork sausage: done. Green bell pepper: done. White onion: almost done. Yesterday presumed to be a normal day... school, errands, meals, etc. As I was preparing breakfast tacos for dinner, I made a whoopsies and nearly sliced off half of my thumb tip with a butcher knife. I saw blood spilling out of my thumb so I put it under water for a few seconds before taking a second look. I expected to see a surface cut, but when I looked down there was way too much blood and so I knew I had to go to the hospital. Omar came home a few minutes later and then he took me to the hospital, but not before I placed all the cut meats and veggies in the fridge (duh).

The wait time was surprisingly short, albeit they recorded on my wristband and file that I was a female smoker. From the moment I walked in holding my thumb in toilet paper to when I left $100 poorer and with a red bandage wrapped around my finger, about an hour had passed by. Not bad.

I left with 4 stitches and a prescription for antibiotics and pain killers. Pain killers. That's a funny term, isn't it? Killing usually implies pain. Throughout this ordeal, Omar's iPhone 4 captured before-and-after pictures as well as the stitches video. I did not realize the depth or severity of the cut until the Doc pulled back the fleshy tip to clean the wound... I haven't seen the video yet, but hopefully it shows it nice 'n gruesome.

All details aside... why did God want me to experience this? I can immediately think of two reasons: 1) stop biting/picking my fingernails. If I would've had a normal thumb nail, my thumb tip would be in pristine condition under a trusting and sturdy nail. 2) remind me to calm down. The second one is less certain, but I think it applies. It was only the 2nd day of school and I was already fretting over the homework, law school applications, etc. I tend to over-think, over-worry, and exaggerate the amount of items I need to get done. With this impaired thumb, typing is a bit more troublesome and just doing everyday things altogether is more of a hassle. Perhaps this is God's way of telling me, "LEAVE YO NAILS ALONE!" and "CHILL OUT!!!". I'd like to believe those are the lessons I'm being taught, mayhaps there's more?

Oh, I suppose another lesson is this: finish what you started. I finally got home a couple hours later, by this time starving and pondering about life lessons. I ended up cooking those breakfast tacos I first set out to make two hours prior. I left the onions out -- but it was still delicious.

This picture, however, isn't so delectable:

"Natural Trace"

(written on 7/24/09 for Steven & Aftan Tso)

Things change
once rings are on fingers
Those once horrid farts
become nice aromas which linger

Perspectives shift
after "I do" is pronounced
His constant pesky habits,
for now no longer denounced

Steps of the first dance
bring smiles which are brighter
And those light yellow teeth
magically become whiter

Cans begin to rattle
and the car reads "Just Married"
That squishy jello-y flab
now feels like a tightened belly

The wedding ruckus fades
as you two sit in pleasing silence
Rogaine seems to kick in
and works its wondrous science

So smudge those lines
and keep cutting the corners
It's just a natural trace
running behind love's borders

Thank goodness for its impairment
and the inability to see
They say "love is blind"
and for Steven's sake... may it forever be!